so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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