he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize