I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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