Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize