Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
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