I wanna passion pit in your ass
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize