We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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