shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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