my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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