you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
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It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
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Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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