It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
You may now shotgun with the bride
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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