I CAN MOONWALK!
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
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