Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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