I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
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