I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I'm always down for nudity.
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