and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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