my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize