I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
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Green mimosas i think yes
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
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I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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