dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize