Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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