The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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