Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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