I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
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