Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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