He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
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