You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
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I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
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Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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