i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
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drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
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Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
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