sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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