Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
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When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
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I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
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