we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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