I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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