It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
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I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
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While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize