end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
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I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
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Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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