If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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