you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
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The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Edward fifth and chaser hands
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
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I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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