can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
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normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
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