Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize