Ketchup is God's man juice
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
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Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
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I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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