we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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