he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
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She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
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I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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