Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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