a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize