I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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