it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize