some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize