my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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