Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
farters have to be the big spoon...
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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