I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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