I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize