apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
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Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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